RELATIONSHIPS

    A lot of life can be defined through relationships. Through these relationships it helps define you as a person. What you like, dislike, your personality, and how you generally live life. Life is filled with experiences you share with other people, experiences you choose to have by yourself without others. Not all relationships are equal either of course. Some a lot more important than others and some completely forgettable. But when really thinking about a relationship with another person regardless of the intensity the whole idea becomes somewhat intimidating. You are a complex person, with a whole backlog of experiences and moments that could probably make at least 10 seasons of a TV show on Netflix, and here you are trying to make a relationship with another person just as complex!

    Without going into too many details, a friend of mine from school just recently got engaged! (Congratulations!!!!) This is a big shock to me mostly because he's my age, and only been with his girlfriend for what seems like a relatively short time to me. With this news I mostly reflected on how I defined my relationships with not just girls but friends in general.

    The main fear I have from any type of a relationship with a person is that I'm not satisfied with myself. How do I become close with this person if I don't know who I am yet. What a dumb young college boi attitude amiright? But the idea that I'm satisfied with who I am as a person, what I know, how I act seems so far away. I'm only 19! What the fuck do I know?? So how do I portray the little I do know right now with another person and be satisfied with that? "Hi my name is Miraj, I like XYZ and I want to share experiences with you, do you want to be friends????" Fill in XYZ with anything! Today it could be vegetables, but tomorrow I could hate vegetables. I'm a young dummy who doesn't know how to balance the constant change in life and sharing it with others on a close personal level, leading me to be afraid to even take risks with sharing how I feel about things now with other people.

    I'm afraid of opening up and I don't know why. I'm afraid of making personal relationships with people because if I can't even understand why I don't like opening up to myself, how do I open up to another stranger! I'm afraid of not being able to tell when I've gotten close enough with another person that they understand where I'm coming from and can help me become a better person. And I'm extremely afraid that the other person won't value me as much as I do them. A LOT OF FEARS AND A WHOLE LOTTA CONFUSION. THIS IS WHY I DON'T HAVE A LOT OF BEST FRIENDS OR A GIRLFRIEND. GUESS THE SOLUTIONS TO THESE FEARS WILL COME THROUGH TIME. TILL THEN TUNE IN THE NEXT EPISODE OF DBZ WHERE I PERFORM A SPIRIT BOMB INTO UR HEARTS goodnite.